Four Conflict Styles of Communication

Most people hate conflict and will do what they can to avoid it. However, when we interact with others, there will be disagreements from time to time. Our words are our weapons of choice. Use them sparingly and we may be taken advantage by other coworkers. Use them too quick or often and we run the chance of being viewed as a workplace bully. We have the right to defend ourselves but it’s a delicate balance between ignoring a rude remark and speaking up.

Assertive Communication

Assertive communicators think win-win. They will pursue what is due them but not at the exclusion of anyone else. The assertive individual understands all co-workers have rights and are to be treated with respect. They are generally easy to get along with, yet will maintain organizational policies and standards. This type of positive communication style is good for the overall morale of the group and is generally expected of those in leadership positions.

Aggressive Communication

In short, an aggressive communicator is a bully. They consider their wants above the needs of others and look for those to exploit. However, their tactics may not be overt and more manipulative in nature. They are fine to take advantage of others if it will make their own jobs easier.

A bully only respects one thing: strength. If you are correct and have a right to something, be willing to confront them. Address their behavior as unacceptable. This

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may seem obvious but on a deeper level it is a show of strength. Of course, it is always necessary to assess the total damage of kicking over the euphemistic beehive in the workplace. What will be the repercussions of standing up to an aggressive communicator if that person is your boss? Once they know you will stand up to them, bullies will generally leave you for other prey elsewhere.

Passive Communication

The passive communicator is a perpetual people-pleaser. They get along by going along, never wanting to upset the apple cart. Though they view themselves as the salt of the earth, others will see them as weak and mark them for exploitation. They are often made a victim because they will not voice their opinions stand up for themselves.

Passives generally have issues with setting priorities. They are often busy putting out other people’s fires because they can never say “no”. They need encouragement. The positive words you give them may be the only confidence builders in their lives. Ask them for opinions and solutions on team matters. However, it is important to ensure they understand job requirements and how their part affects the team. If in management, set the priorities for them.

Passive-Aggressive Communication

business_man_beautiful_man_business_business_men_man_young_male_businessman-625568.jpg!dYes, there are those who manage to be both passive AND aggressive at the same time. They will stand up to others… but behind their backs. They have an “I’ll show you” mentality and will carry a grudge. They love to play the victim, yelling one minute and then crying the next if yelling doesn’t work.

Understand the game the passive-aggressive plays but do not play it yourself. To do so would only enable them. Stay focused on what is fact and relevant. Once they realize emotional outbursts do not work, they might come to their senses. When dealing with this personality, ensure everyone is in agreement and there won’t be any “misunderstandings” later. It may be prudent to write a summary in and email to them after a conversation.

In one of my workshops, we go deep into what makes a person behave in such ways. Find out more at: http://MomentumSeminars.com

I Remain Neutral!

In real estate, a big part of the professional’s job is to advise his or her clients. When it comes to working with sellers, many times it is necessary to advise them as to their choice of color schemes. This is a very delicate situation since, the last thing we want to do is insult our client’s sense of taste by recommending they repaint or do some light remodeling. It implies there was an issue with their choices in decorating. Yet, that is exactly what we must do with our clients many times… ADVISE, not insult.

Utilizing colors of a light or medium hue shows a room at its maximum size. OK, the dimensions don’t change at all, but white does better reflect the light, which makes it APPEAR to be decoratelarger than the same room painted, say… brown. It also minimizes the shock value of the sportsman who tours a house where the little girl really loved pink. No matter the size of the back yard, he’s just going to remember the pink bedroom.

Often, we speak in terms of using “neutral colors”. But keep in mind, those who are design challenged, don’t know what neutrals are. Otherwise, there probably would not be an issue in the first place. I provide a palette to my clients of off-white, parchment, gray (really light gray), eggshell, or even (I’m about to go nuts, here) taupe and beige. I simply create some “swatches” on my computer, print it off, and hand it to them.

Yes, in larger homes, potential buyers do expect a certain amount of professional decor. However, the blood red walls of a large dining room that might have worked a few years ago, will not work in the living room of a 1200 square foot home now. It’s simply too gloomy.

If you have been in the business long enough, you have come across the Tennessee football fan who painted the outdoor trim in U.T. Vols orange. By the way, he KNOWS he has to paint it, but just doesn’t want to go through the hassle. This is your opportunity to advise your client. He’s waiting for it! Besides, what if the eventual buyer is from Alabama? As I tell my sellers, “I’m not trying to guess what the one in ten will like, but rather avoid what I know the nine in ten will not like. Don’t let a bad paint job stand between you and your closing the sale, or worse your clients ultimate goal… selling the house.